The Pregnancy

The devastating, lovely baby shower.

Our journey has become the most intense roller coaster of all times.
The last nine months have proved to be the most terrifying months of my life, thus far. I have learned so much in such a short time, some of the biggest lessons have been the lessons of loss. We lost the life we planned for our daughter, we lost our hope and at times, we lost faith. I remember just nine months ago when I felt I had everything all figured out, but the truth is; everything changed so quickly.
How can our entire world go from a dream come true – to a nightmare?

There are truly no words to describe the pain that shadowed the last few months. On May 19th, the day before our baby shower; we lost one of our closest friends, Ashley. Ashley was a co-worker that turned into a friend, a friend that turned into a roommate, a roommate that turned into family. Ashley began our journey with us, she even bought our first pregnancy test. It wasn’t that long ago she came by, we walked through McKenzie’s nursery, her nursery that was once Ashley’s bedroom. Ashley was our biggest fan, she supported us when nobody else did – she never left our sides and the pain of her sudden, unexpected passing has left me completely devastated. I know she will meet McKenzie, I just wish we could have all been together when she did. Words cannot begin to describe how much she will truly be missed, I look forward to the day I can teach McKenzie about “Big Bird” – I look forward to the day I can tell McKenzie who her Guardian Angel is. We are blessed to have had her in our lives, we miss you Ashley – We love you – Love Today Bird!

If we have learned one thing thus far in Our Journey – we have learned that life has to go on – our baby shower was scheduled for the day after Ashley’s passing. The shower was amazing, our friends and family came together with so much love. My Grandma said a beautiful prayer for Ashley and while we mourned our friend (Everyone knew Ashley, She was the friend you couldn’t live without) We also embraced those who surrounded us and showered our baby with so much love.

As our devastating baby shower came to an end, I realized how blessed we are. We have a lot of support with tons of love. I also realized how lucky I  am – as we come closer to my due date, Nikki has fixed everything, built tons of things and has worked so hard so I could rest. With our minds open, our home ready, our bags packed – we are ready.

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