Faith has been important in Our Journey, at one point it was all we had. The last month has been chaos as we celebrated holidays and spent time with family. Nikki’s mom ended up needing back surgery and after what felt like a lifetime, we had our follow up appointment.
The doctors waiting room was becoming rather comfortable to us. As we waited for our name to be called, I wondered if we would see the gender. The feeling of life inside of my stomach has been life-altering, sometimes I truly think if we didn’t have proof from an ultrasound – I would say it was all a dream.
The ultrasound was done by the other tech. this time, we knew her from previous visits but never had an ultrasound done with her since becoming pregnant. I got comfortable on the uncomfortable bed as she began rubbing the wand over my now – baby showing stomach. The baby was flipping and turning but keeping their legs tightly closed! What a stubborn little thing – I thought. As we finished the appointment the tech. handed me some papers and asked if I had done anymore blood work, well; I hadn’t done any so as we left Nikki and I made our way across the hall to complete this not so exciting part of pregnancy duties. We were done and driving away before we knew it, now the dreaded for week wait to find out the gender.
While we’ve prayed for this time in our lives, we certainly did not expect it to turn this chaotic.
The doctor called to go over blood work I recently had done. It felt like another average afternoon as we prepared for the work night ahead. When the phone rang, I was a little taken back by Dr. Cortez on the other line, usually it’s his assistant – he began rambling on about this result and that result. Then he said something that stopped my heart instantly; Down syndrome. I can’t recall much after hearing “the baby has 1 in 7 chances of being born with Down Syndrome.” I felt like time had frozen and in that very moment I struggled with an overwhelming amount of fear, guilt, confusion and anger.
As I watched the name slowly fade from my cell phone screen, I sat on the hallway steps and fell lost in a pool of thoughts; what is Down Syndrome? how is this going to change our lives? our babies life? Down syndrome..? I had so many questions, so many concerns and suddenly an endless amount of doubt suddenly invaded our lives.
The faith I held so closely, I began to question as the weeks to follow would prove to test our faith in every way we – never – expected.