Tonight I begin my first dosage of Clomid for the month. After last months fail, the doctor raised my dosage to 100MG in hopes of better follicles. The emotions I’m experiencing are bizarre and today has been especially rough as I’ve been dealing with my insurance covering my regular monthly medication that has nothing to do with the treatment – I suppose I understand why IUI isn’t covered because it’s an elective procedure, but ultrasounds? If I were to get an ultrasound for any other reason – it would be covered. b
Of course we have set aside a good amount of money but, every month we do an ultrasound without the IUI, we are spending anywhere from 330-450 dollars on medication and injections.
It’s hard to live in a body that simply doesn’t work. I know many people may say, well you’re gay.. so what’d you expect? But the truth is, we’ve tried every way possible and the bottom line is – it won’t work. The doctor suggested my endometriosis, ovarian cysts and tumor very well could indicate fertility issues and blockage issues, however, my D&C should have cleared this up ( from my ultrasound last month, my ovary looks good) so here I am, holding onto a string of hope.
I joined a support group about a month ago on Facebook, I have to say these ladies are the strongest ladies I’ve ever encountered. I read several stories about what they are going through and I sit amazed by the strength they all have. I always talked to anyone who would listen until eventually I felt like a broken record, people can hear me, but they just can’t understand what its really like. These ladies are there for one another in ways they could never realize and I pray every day for them to start their families and find peace for the ones they lost. In a world full of so much hate, so much negativity I can’t help but think about these ladies, sharing their stories and literally helping other people in the group just deal. If someone is reading this, I highly recommend finding a support group. Maybe you don’t like to talk about it and that’s ok, you may find a post useful and that can make a difference all on its own.
Sometimes when I think about what we are going through, It’s a fight I fight inside daily, this is my first time typing it. If I fought a little harder, would my body work a little better? Is it hereditary? Is it because I’m gay? …. All of these questions when said out loud sound silly, they sound like someone should tell me “just relax” . The truth is, I don’t know why this is happening to us, I don’t know why I haven’t gotten pregnant yet and I don’t know if I ever will.. but this is the month I am praying to try at least once with IUI…